Test. This is a test. Please ignore this test. I swear to you, it isn't meant to be taken seriously. This isn't any kind of commentary, and it's not some elaborate, ironic joke. If you notice, my sentences are flowing quite nicely. I can only write this well off the cuff, so there's some additional proof for you—I'm just making this shit up as I go.
This is about long enough. I'll say goodbye now. Ahem. Goodbye, everybody. Thanks very much for reading. Of course, I did tell you to ignore the post, and you've apparently read this far. Perhaps you'd like some kind of a payoff. I supposed I could make an actual point. Here's a header, I bet it's the first thing you'll read when you land on the page.
EBOLA IS NOT A REAL DISEASE
It is, of course. But that's not the point. The point is actually irrelevant, because I have none. I've told you to ignore this post from the outset, and you've done nothing of the sort. Bush did 9/11.
American Pharaoh takes the gold at the New Jersey Sprite Dome, January 2006. (AP PHOTO / Dan Poliogoldbergman) Breaking Bad is OverratedI've actually never seen it, but I thought the two headlines would look good together. Like, in one paragraph, I make the leap from Ebola being a made-up disease to a television show about a cancer patient who cooks meth in his underwear. My entry-level reference no doubt confirms to you that I have, indeed, never seen the show.
I Wonder How This Looks?
I've got just about enough text to give me a good idea of how the post will be formatted. Yes, I could have just used that Latin copy-text that you see on every live Wordpress template demo ever. All the people who understood that joke are my niggas.
I know what you're thinking. 'You lied! Earlier, you said you were about done, and yet you've written several more paragraphs!' If right now you're thinking 'I didn't think that!', you're lying. Unless you managed to read it without an inner voice and immediately forget about it—you did, in fact, think about it. Even if that were the case, by belaboring the point for so long, I've all but guaranteed you did.
I plead guilty to your accusation, by the way. I did lie. I wanted you to keep reading. I figured reading those words would intrigue you. I was saying my goodbyes, yet there were clearly several more paragraphs written below it. Naturally, you had to keep reading. But come on, you know all of this. You did it, after all.
Bames Barnaby and the Coco Lite Island Singles face off against Arsenal in the Grimes Country State Fair Ultimate Football Smackdown, 2013. (AP Photo / Kiko Ghannnannan What's that? That's not why you kept reading? What's that? It's condescending and logically flawed to ask questions for the reader? Fuck you, reader. You haven't taken me seriously at all, have you? From the very beginning, I told you not to read. Yet here you are, reading the very end of my post. This is the end, by the way.Thank you very much for reading. Yes, I did want you to get this far. I've always secretly, well, kind of liked you. Meet me outside of Applebee's at 4:30pm. I will bring lube.